Responsible, Sensitive Social Media Person

If you find yourself having a bad day, you are probably itching to say, ‘This day can suck a cock’ up in your Facebook or Twitter because there’s only so much you can do to put a little spin to the all too familiar expression, ‘This day sucks’ into something more specific, concrete, and pointed. But since you ought to care about the morning-after regrets of posting such negativities, you restrain yourself and let out a little scream deep inside yourself, out of reach of everyone’s social feeds.

You get like that sometimes, do you not, all itchy to let the world know of your yuppie, middle-class inconveniences and relevant-only-to-you rants? It’s as if the anger that sprouts from the little hasslefest that is your daily morning rush hour commute is invalid or false if they don’t get social media’d.

Tough if you’re into social media and you care about impressions. I try to refrain from vomiting all over the net where people in my life of all shapes, sizes and cuss-words/dick and bitch ‘jokes’ tolerance converge and manage to gag word vomit reflexes. But if you’re completely uncaring about the kind of character your feed is shaping for you, these might be some of the things you have been itching to say:

  1. This week can suck a dick.
  2. This day can suck a cock.
  3. Philippine transportation system, please suck a dick.
  4. Right to say shit about people who deserve it is worth fighting for.
  5. Sometimes your friend invites your for a drink so they can Facebook in front of you. (For friends who can’t get enough of socializing even while in the thick of socializing, who feel compelled to impose their socializations in every imaginable and available dimensions.)
  6. In case purgatory gets tired of its name, it can call itself ‘Wednesday’.
  7. The MRT is truly one of mankind’s worst inventions. (Sometimes, tagging whoever manages that awful piece of  transportation trash, to impart such simple a message as ‘MRT is the worst train on Earth,’ or ‘Riding the MRT is one of the most dignity-defying transport experience no one deserves to live through.‘ might be more effective. But if you think really hard, there are other awful public transport options and you realize they all deserve this kind of criticism. To economize, use #3.)
  8. Counting one’s blessings is exhausting. (For when you feel like complaining, but you’re aware that you’re somehow ‘still blessed’, and you’re concerned you might come off as an ungrateful whiner, but you just cannot shake off the feeling that sometimes, certain blessings are indeed exhausting to have and count, wicked as that may sound.)
  9. I’m too dressed for stress’ is a better platitude. (Not to pick fights with friends who have perpetually bubbly dispositions who say things like ‘I’m too blessed to be stressed’, but reducing the genuine stress some of us feel to a bunch of feel-good rhyming words deserves a little dig.)
  10. This bus/shuttle/cab is so hot. Satan must be driving it. (For the daily commute anger-causer.)
But a responsible, sensitive social media person will avoid very public displays of hate and try to practice vitriol-control, although some still fail, to the detriment of his conscience and anxiety-tolerance systems. There is an idea of just such a person. He’s the kind who likes check-in statuses, changes in relationship statuses, pictures of himself, pictures of people who tag him even though he’s not in the pictures. He posts in Instagram, shares such photos on Facebook or wherever, and adds a vaguely humorous but more important, safe caption. He reiterates fun just had through a reassuring tweet. If he is committed to creating and perpetuating this proper, pleasant online persona, he may occasionally say things like ‘Back to reality’, or any of the go-to platitudes and vague, cryptic stuff that are terrific substitutes to specific realities one must face, for instance, work. So instead of saying something like, ‘Back to my shit office to deal with my shit boss!’, it’s just plain, old Back to Reality. Whether these characteristics are the true marks of a RSSMP is highly debatable, because of course a true RSSMP can always prevent damage by saying nothing.