‘And as time passes, the not-really-friends on FB have sad things happen to them that I can’t care about if I want to continue living — humans just aren’t set up for feeling deeply about so many people.’ – Richard Lloyd, nymag.com commenter
Things are happening in the world every day, important things that do not involve divas (which happen to be my favorite topic). The Philippines is a very happening place and people are naturally always talking. As a semi-active social media entity, I hear most of the talk. From these, certain emotions are elicited from me, one being anger and another, fright (if that counts as an emotion) – for my frequent lack of concern for whatever important historic thing is happening. For instance, the pope.
Not having an opinion about an important event is probably not as bad as having the wrong or shitty opinion, but shutting up about something has always been more attractive an option to me. As one great diva once sang, ‘it’s not right, but it’s okay.’
When I don’t broadcast my feelings or ideas, I feel either an overwhelming wave of relief for not having said whatever possible foul, stupid or corny thing I felt like saying moments ago – or I feel like a stinking coward. A coward who stinks. I feel like a coward for failing to let people know, for example, that I think 50 Shades of Grey is shaping up to be the year’s condescension victim of the year (because people – actual movie critics and feeling critics alike – are praising it in the most hideous way possible, saying things like ‘it’s not that bad’ or ‘I’m surprised by how Okay it is,’ etc. which fucks my shit up for reasons unknown). I don’t even like that franchise and I don’t have immediate plans of seeing or reading it. People can be so patronizing sometimes (actually, most of the time) and this superior attitude over something so obviously inferior is such a shitty sight to see.
Also, the things that I get all worked up about can be embarrassing, so I think I have a very good reason for worrying about being worried, and talking about having second thoughts about saying things about things as un-vital as 50 Shades. I’m aware of this, but sometimes awareness is not enough. That is why I choose the path of comments-less social media persona every time. It’s not that I’m afraid of being seen as an awful person by my peers, it’s that I know I can be awful and I’m just choosing not to expose that capacity for awfulness so carelessly.
I should probably name other Important Events that I failed to see the value of having an opinion of, but I am slowly learning how to effectively turn off current events noise no matter how important they may be. Sometimes I do that by reading. Reading fiction is probably the second greatest way of escape; dying is first.
This is becoming a problem for me because when people are extra-effusive about certain IE, I feel even more worried (‘how could I not be feeling anything?!’).
My silence is also influenced by fears associated with having job and residential security in my current environment. A nice, non-awful person tweeting whatever the shit he wants and getting away with it is something that fascinates me. It’s admirable-infuriating when someone unleashes his inner sociopath by composing seemingly carefully constructed hateful thoughts about an awful situation (one of those important events), thrive and not get shit from some authority figure. It could be that they are saying something mind-blowing about an important thing which affords them a pass, or it could be that these fearsome authority figures only exist in the mind of cowards who tend to gravitate towards unlikely scary scenarios involving imagined authorities.
It could also be because some people’s brand of awful is more substantial or palatable than others. Plain lack of intelligible thoughts could also be a factor. Bobo lang, ganun. Neither uncaring nor unconcerned but stupid.
Yet another factor is being surrounded by personalities teeming with intelligent thoughts. If I surround myself with dimwits, I might have a chance of sounding more intelligent, I think. If I surround myself with even more opinionless personages, I might stand a chance of coming off appropriately opinionated. There is no shortage of possibilities in this scenario and I am willing to explore each and every one of them. What else? If I take drugs (drug addict drugs) and worry instead about my next fix, I wouldn’t be so concerned about today’s social ills, and just focus exclusively on my own.
And now, some finalities.
I know that:
1. Talking about your Facebook life in a blog has the look and feel of someone who hangs out with the popular kids at school during recess, and then goes to his real friends after school hours to bitch about school and its peoples. It’s not cool. Since I’m dripping with awareness (I think), I know this and feel compelled to let you know that I know.
2. Having a public monologue about how uncomfortable you are about your social media ‘silence’ is yucky no matter how it’s done… but maybe only when it’s done by certain people. Yes, the worrying about social media is realer than ever and there is no stopping it.
3. Time and effort could have been saved by refraining from talking about things such as the ones talked about in here, but this my blog.
4. I should take the time to invest more emotional energy in the careers of other females other than Beyonce and Mariah. It is not impossible and I would really like to see me succeed! I feel like I have succeeded somehow by posting about Madonna instead lately. But even she is getting irritating and becoming the very sort of social media celebrity who speaks just so she can make sounds. Ditto Beyonce and constant news about her wig shifts.