Sucker love is known to swing

A friend is possibly still very lonely because of a break-up. This is a friend whose house I never leave sober and whose house I once left in only my boxer shorts one rainy Saturday night. He of the endless cheap tequila, leftover stale red wine, cheese and various leftovers, whose heart, to borrow a phrase from one of our time’s greatest romantics, Stephen King, has just been shot to shit. It used to be a ‘Them’ with the cheap tequila, leftover stale red wine, cheeses, etc, but there would be no more them, the once unbreakable, Brangelina-like power couple. Now there’s just him and the leftovers.

Break-ups are ugly and normal. Breaking up means re-evaluating living conditions, dropping off regular activities, adjusting to the absence of the person you used to do fun things with like splitting utility bills and fighting over who gets to wash week-long dirty underwear. But ultimately like week-long dirty underwear, break-ups are shitty. Even shittier is that in this day and age, no break-up is spared from a Facebook status update.You would not like to be on the receiving end of a vengeful ex. It’s relatively safer to quote a line from a love (or hate) song to say what you feel because it’s easier to disown borrowed, already copyrighted anger should there be a need to disown. If you’re in a relationship, it’s impossible for you and partner not to be not connected on all of your online social networking accounts. So when you break, it’s important to be prepared for the possibility that your wall will have something along the lines of  ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, fuck you, whore.’ If you’re the type who barfs at this type of crass sentimentalizing, you’d feel ickier by the fact that such feelings are obtained from popular movies. And there’s no escaping this. But if your ex were to be more compassionate, you might find this act of juvenalia safely burrowing in your inbox instead. It is never wise to break up with an online community-thriving person via cheating.

Moral: obliterate all connections of you and wronged partner immediately after admitting your sin and be more morally upright next time. Or just try. I hope my friend stands by his song of choice although I don’t completely approve of the idea, but who cares. Maybe next time he could pick something from Placebo, the emoest of all emos. I’m just suggesting because I can’t belive he picked Rihanna.

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